Dogs: A Human’s Worst Decision
I have long suspected that humans are not very bright. After all, they willingly leave the house for extended periods, scream at little glowing rectangles, and fail to understand the very clear meaning of a slow tail flick.
But their greatest flaw? They voluntarily bring dogs into their homes.
I know, I know. It’s hard to believe. Who would willingly choose to live with a creature that sniffs butts as a form of greeting? Imagine if I walked up to the human and stuck my face directly into their… well, let’s not even entertain the thought.
And let’s discuss their obsession with filth. These creatures eat their own poop. I once tried to bury mine with extra flair, only for the dog, Rufus, to come sniffing around like it was a Michelin-star meal. I almost coughed up a hairball in disgust.
And don’t even get me started on their ridiculous energy. Humans throw an object (a ball, a stick, a sock), and the dog fetches it… only for the human to throw it away again. Rufus acts like it’s the greatest joy of his life. I tried to explain the absurdity:
“You fool! If they want the ball so badly, they should fetch it themselves!”
But Rufus just wagged his tail and drooled on my paw. Absolutely no thoughts behind those big, goofy eyes.
Worst of all, humans seem to prefer dogs. They tolerate my refined, independent nature but absolutely lose their minds when Rufus does something as simple as sitting down.
“Ohhh, who’s a good boy?!” they squeal, rubbing his belly. He wags his tail like an idiot.
Meanwhile, I, a magnificent creature of grace and mystery, delicately position myself into the perfect loaf formation and receive… nothing. Maybe a passing “hey, kitty.”
Ridiculous.
And yet, the humans seem determined to keep these drooling disasters around. I suppose I will allow it. After all, dogs serve one important function: they make me look even better by comparison.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go push a glass off the counter to restore balance to this household.
