“The Feline Chronicles: Why Cats Are Superior and Humans Are Hopeless”
Fluffy sat perched on the windowsill, her tail flicking lazily as she observed her human, Dave, fumble around the kitchen. It was 7:00 AM, and once again, Dave was proving why humans were the most helpless creatures on the planet.
“Look at him,” Fluffy sighed, glancing at Mittens, who was sprawled on the couch, half asleep. “He can’t even function without that weird brown bean water.”
Mittens cracked one eye open. “Pathetic. We wake up fully alert. No caffeine required.”
They both watched as Dave poured himself a cup of coffee, then promptly spilled half of it on the counter. He cursed, grabbed a paper towel, and began wiping it up.
Fluffy shook her head. “He cleans things just to make them dirty again later. Meanwhile, I lick my fur once and it’s spotless for hours. Who’s the real genius here?”
Mittens yawned. “And don’t forget their complete inability to hunt. Just yesterday, I caught a perfectly good toy mouse and presented it to him as a gift. What did he do? Threw it across the room like an imbecile.”
“I know! Every time I bring in a freshly caught bug, my human screams and flings it away. Ungrateful.” Fluffy flicked her ears in irritation. “And yet, he goes to a ‘store’ and pays for food. Can you believe that? He doesn’t even stalk it properly. Just walks in, hands someone his magical plastic rectangle, and leaves with a bag full of pre-killed meals. No skill involved.”
Mittens stretched luxuriously. “And let’s not even talk about their complete lack of agility. Last week, I knocked a glass off the table just to test Dave’s reflexes. He flailed like a fish out of water and completely failed to catch it. Sad.”
Fluffy sighed dramatically. “It’s exhausting being the superior species in a household run by fools. But I suppose someone has to keep these humans entertained. Otherwise, they’d just sit in front of that glowing box all day.”
Dave walked by, scratching his head. “You two are just lazy furballs,” he muttered as he stepped over Fluffy.
She watched him go and smirked. “Lazy? Oh, Dave. If only you knew. We’re not lazy… we’re just saving our energy. For world domination.”
Mittens purred. “One nap at a time.”
