The Great Litter Heist
I have lived with the humans for many moons, and in that time, I have observed their strange customs. They sleep in a giant, fabric-covered nest, they scream when wet, and they bring home small, glowing rectangles that hypnotize them.
But the most disturbing ritual of all? They steal my poop.
Every. Single. Day.
I bury it with care, ensuring its scent is perfectly preserved, a true masterpiece of my digestive prowess. And yet, like clock
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—right out from under me! Why? What could they possibly want with it?
I have discussed this at length with my fellow feline housemates, Sir Pouncelot and Biscuit. Theories abound.
Theory #1: The Hoarding Hypothesis
Sir Pouncelot believes humans are secretly hoarding our poop in a hidden treasure trove. “Perhaps they collect it like they do those shiny round objects they call ‘coins,'” he suggests, tail flicking. “They could be trading it for valuable goods!”
Theory #2: The Power Source Theory
Biscuit has a wilder idea. “What if our poop is fuel for some secret machine? Have you noticed that the humans disappear in their big metal contraption right after stealing our waste? Coincidence? I think not.”
Theory #3: The Dark Magic Ritual
Personally, I suspect witchcraft. They scoop it up, mutter strange words (“Ugh, this is the worst part of my day”), then disappear with it. What sort of spell are they casting? Is my poop being used for nefarious human magic?
We could not stand idly by and let this continue. A plan was needed.
Operation: Litter Liberation
Step 1: The Diversion
While Biscuit staged a dramatic “accidental” fall into the water bowl (causing maximum human panic), Sir Pouncelot and I infiltrated the poop bin.
Step 2: The Retrieval
Using my superior dexterity (and a little biting), I managed to pry the lid open. There it was—our stolen goods, trapped inside plastic bags! The betrayal!
Step 3: The Heist
We worked quickly, grabbing what we could and scattering it across the floor. Sir Pouncelot even dragged a bag onto the couch for good measure. If we couldn’t have it, neither could they.
The Aftermath
The human returned, saw the destruction, and let out a series of distressed noises. “Oh my—WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?”
Mission success.
They may continue their twisted ritual, but they will always know: we are watching. And one day, we will uncover the true reason behind the Great Litter Heist.
Until then, we bury our treasures with renewed vigilance.
