The Great Honey Heist: A Bee’s Rant
I don’t know what humans’ problem is. One minute, they’re planting flowers (good job, thumbs-up for that), and the next, they’re suited up like astronauts, breaking into our house, and robbing us blind.
Like, excuse me? Do I barge into your home, take your snacks, and then blow smoke in your face? No. Because I have manners.
Our Perfectly Functional Society
We honeybees have a system. A sophisticated, well-run society. We don’t need government bailouts, we don’t have a middle management crisis, and no one is posting conspiracy theories about how “the hive is flat.”
The Queen? Gorgeous, unbothered, living her best life.
The workers? Grinding 24/7 with zero PTO.
The drones? Exist for five minutes, eat all the food, then die.
Everything is going perfectly fine until—BAM. Here come the humans, clunking toward us like giant, honey-obsessed maniacs.
WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?
We spend our whole lives making honey. Do you even understand the effort?
We fly MILES to gather nectar.
We beat our tiny wings 200 times per second just to stay in the air.
We vomit nectar into each other’s mouths over and over (yes, that’s how honey is made, and yes, you eat it anyway, freaks).
And then you show up with your big stupid gloves and your “Ohhh look at the little bees, they’re so cute!” voices… AND STEAL IT.
“Oh, but we’re just taking a little!” A LITTLE?? That was supposed to be our WINTER FOOD, KAREN.
What do you even need it for?
You put it in tea? Tea is just leaf juice, get over yourself.
You drizzle it on toast? Toast is just bread that lost hope.
You make “honey mustard”?? That’s a crime against nature.
The Smoke Attack
Let’s discuss the smoke.
Ohhh, so you think it’s funny to just waltz in here and start a bee hotbox session?
It makes us sleepy.
It makes us too chill to fight back.
It makes us wonder if life even matters, bro.
You might as well play acoustic guitar and talk about “good vibes.”
By the time we snap out of it, our honey is gone, and you’re skipping away, licking it off your fingers like you didn’t just commit a federal offense.
Final Thoughts: Revenge Is Coming
But oh, we remember.
We see you enjoying that honey. We watch as you smugly dip your chicken nuggets in it. We wait.
And one day… when you’re outside, barefoot… feeling relaxed… thinking the world is good…
We will sting you on the toe.
And it will be hilarious.
